A Pop and a Pong by Hayley Down

In a class of small children, a noise made them start –
With a POP and a pong, someone slipped out a fart!
“What a smell!” they all laughed. “What a terrible stink!
But where do farts come from? Now that makes you think!”
Then their teacher piped up, “So, let’s start a session:
The science of farting – a right rotten lesson!
Now let’s guess why farts happen, can you give a try?”
Little Molly called out, “Do they come from the sky?”
“Eureka!” cried the teacher. “There is something there –
Because farts can depart when you swallow some air!
Bits of air, we call gas, can get trapped when you chew,
And then when you swallow, the air’s swallowed, too!
There are pipes in your body that go in and out.
Some are straight, some are swirly - they twist all about.
There’s a wind pipe, a food pipe and pipes for blood, too –
And, as gross as it sounds, there are pipes for your poo!
If you swallow some air, down the food pipe it chutes,
Till it reaches the stomach, then back out it toots . . .
From inside your stomach, there are two ways to go –
Back up as a BURP, or way down as . . . you know!”
Little Julie said, “Can farts start in your belly?”
Little Tommy then asked, “And why are they smelly?”
“Yes! Your body needs fuel, and that’s why we eat.
For your stomach makes fuel out of each tasty treat.
When your stomach is done, through the poo pipes food goes –
Your intestines, they’re called – there are gases in those!
You’ll find methane and hydrogen – they don’t smell bad.
But ammonia and sulphide? Their stench makes me sad!
Now, if ever you dare to give bad eggs a sniff,
You’ll discover they have quite the same stinky whiff.
When you sense a great stench, it is not made of poo;
It is just stinky gases, so let’s all yell, ‘PHEW!’”
Little Sim then asked, “Why are some farts so quiet,
But some farts can snap, crackle, pop in a riot?”
“You are right that some farts hiss or fizz their way out,
And some grumble or rumble or bang, pop and shout!
Well the noise all depends on the state of your bot:
When relaxed, farts are loud; when it’s tense, they are not.”
Little Jim asked, “Are beans a musical fruit?
If we eat them a lot, then our bottoms will toot?”
“Yes indeed, Little Jim, beans can make your bum blow –
So can onions and mushrooms and peaches, you know.
Farts are also a clue, from your body to you,
That is might be the time for a trip to the loo.
That’s the end of the lesson – and I’ve had a ball,
Making first-class fart experts out of us all!
Please remember one thing: that for you and for me,
To parp is quite healthy, so set your farts free!”